Choose Your Words
“Thanks for doing the right thing,” my son's boss replied when he texted-in sick to work. Tyler had explained that after a strep test and COVID test, he still had a sore throat. He didn't want to let her down or jeopardize his job on his last week before heading back to college. Her reply was perfect and any guilt he felt had evaporated and he then climbed back into bed.
“We are thinking about grabbing bagels and coffee and popping by for a visit if you guys are around? I text.
“Sure.”
My enthusiasm deflates. Does that mean “sure, we'd love to see you?” Or “sure, okay, if you want to?” It's about as exciting as “you look fine.” The word “sure” is on my list of words I don’t like to use.
When we were growing up, we had an enthusiastic live-in babysitter. My mom insisted she wasn't a nanny and always stressed that we “don't want people to think we are affluent.” Live-in babysitter sounds much less privileged. Carol Ann came from a large Mormon family in Utah and moved in when my brother John was a baby. We were encouraged to explain that this change was due to my mom going back to work, it wasn't that she was a home and needed extra help. We were coached a lot on how to explain the fact that we had a nanny flown in to take care of us. Not sure who I was explaining this to at age 12, but they sounded like a very judgy crowd. Carol Ann brought with her a cassette tape and a book of Power Tunes by Brigham Young University. My sister Sarah and I sang along together.
Sing along, “It's your attitude, attitude, that makes you do the things you do. Attitude that makes you who you are. You've got to be kind, you've got to be a friend…” We sang the songs about determination, perseverance, and work ethic. These words have stuck with me.
I lie awake trying to figure out what time it is, but I can't see the clock. I decided it would be healthier to move my phone across the room, so I'm left to my inner sundial to wake up. Multiple snores come from other bedrooms and I think about the day ahead. My thoughts are not happy. I often start thinking of what needs to be accomplished. In the current Covid days, I'm left thinking about chores verses entertainment. Why didn't I finish putting away the laundry yesterday? Did Mason pick up his bedroom like I asked? I should have gone grocery shopping so I don't have to deal with that today. I mentally run through my to-do list and I'm not ready to bounce out of bed when the alarm sounds. Actually bouncing sounds exhausting. I stop myself and put my feet on the floor. I look at my mood board I created with inspirational words, phrases and quotes that sits on my bedside table and I am immediately uplifted at something I read.
You've got this! Adventure, imagine powerful, brave, superior, shine, glow, wonder, smile and joy. These are some of the words I see on the mood board when I open my eyes each day. They help me out of bed to jump start my morning. I head to my coffee pot, ready to flip my “pancake”.
I heard from an old friend who shared that he was going through a break-up by writing in a diary. He was shocked at how good it felt to put his feelings down on paper.
“I knew that you were doing a lot of writing but I had no idea how therapeutic it could be,” he confessed.
“I had met this boy last fall and thought that we shared a spark.”
“What ended this?”
“When I admitted I was falling for him, he told me that he respected me.”
“Ick, are you his grandfather or love interest?” I asked.
One word, “respected,” did so much damage.
Maybe it's just a trigger word for me? When my father was really annoyed, he started his lectures with, “with all due respect my friend” and nothing sweet ever followed. He was not your friend; he wanted to reprimand you and drive home a point.
“I'm calling to schedule an episiotomy.” The nurse on the other line could not contain her laughter. My friend’s husband asked, “I guess I need you to explain the name of the surgery that I'm looking for, and I expect you're going to be telling this story at cocktail parties?”
“I’ve got you,” the captain of the football team said to my son as he carried him off the field. Those three words brought me such comfort as I was retold the story in the Emergency Room. As a mom, we can only hope others will help take care of our children when we are not around.
A friend of mine keeps an angry folder, after she writes an email when she is upset, she slides it into the folder for twenty-four hours and allows it to marinate. She then reads it the next day and decides if she still wants to send the message. She understands that she might need to change a few words in the light of a new day.
We tell toddlers “to use your words” as they are learning to speak. We often overlook the fact that the things we tell ourselves aren't always positive. I love writing because of the power that words hold. They can inspire, uplift and motivate. They can express love or deliver joy to the recipient. Choose your words wisely.
