Magic beans.
I found a photo of when I was on the swim team, and I noticed that the spectators were watching the end of the pool. The race was over, yet I was still swimming. I was not a terrible swimmer but I was afraid of getting splashed. This was before contact lenses, and I thought goggles were clunky and dorky. It was difficult to be on the swim team since I could not dive.
I would stand on the starting block at the beginning of the race, trapped in my anxious mind, and simply fall into the pool. If you belly flop into the swim meet, you cannot catch up to the competition. My parents would yell at me after the meet. “You NEED to dive into the pool Sami. C’mon, just dive in. DIVE!” To their shock, this strategy did not push me to plunge into the water head first.
When I threatened to quit, my father tried a new strategy. “We will take you shopping to pick out a new Adidas track suit.” I made it through a second season to get the matching pair of Nike sneakers. A new outfit did not help me conquer my fear of diving, but I did look better in the team photo.
Some may consider the carrots he dangled to be a bribe, but I appreciated that he gave me something to look forward to at the end. I was not going to become a swim star, but getting exercise was good for me. They also hoped that joining the swim team would help me make new friends, but I failed at that goal as well.
My swim team memories are helping me today to pause and consider my fears when I don’t dive in. When procrastinating a project, I think, why am I standing on the starting block? Often times, it is not the dive, but the fear of keeping my head above water. Many of us want to know what lies ahead and be guided into a new situation. We are all looking for a magic bean to get us up the beanstalk.
“You look amazing, how did you lose weight?” we ask, waiting to hear the secret.
“I moved more and put my fork down” is always the response.
“How do you have time to write?”
“I get up earlier.”
“How did you save money for that?”
“I cut back on my spending.”
The magic formula we are all searching for is simple, but just like Jack, we have to accept that there is no magic beanstalk. Instead of beans, we CAN leave ourselves little breadcrumbs to keep us looking up and ahead. Meeting a friend for coffee, going out on a dinner date, planning a workout with a buddy, or booking a trip on the calendar. My friend Kate calls these “buoys,” since they keep you afloat. They can be plans far in the distance, but having something positive to hold onto is proven to shift your mindset.
I was having a tough day at work recently when I received a text from an old friend of my sister Natalie. She reached out to let me know that she heard my father being quoted by a speaker at a Boston Bizwoman Mentoring event. It felt good to hear the advice he had shared with her, over twenty years after his passing. I immediately contacted the speaker to let her know the impact her words had.
“Let me give you some context of the moment I shared with your dad that changed my path and approach to my career,” she emailed.
“I asked to meet with your dad “off the record” and shared my insecurities about being in my twenties and having such a huge opportunity. He said: “let me give you a piece of advice I would give my daughter. Lead.” He encouraged her to get out of her own head and ‘dive’ right in. He did not say belly flop into the deep end. He did not say enter the pool slowly and watch your competition ahead of you.
Today, I make an effort to go head first off the starting block, and if the fear of water splashing on my face slows me down, I remind myself that I have a towel, and the ability to get out of the pool and dry myself off. I am also sure to keep a lot of buoys floating closely within reach. So I encourage you to go ahead and dive. DIVE.
